A note from Cole Hill aka PHARMAKOS, on the release of Will We Ever Know How Much Is Enough?
Also: Cole will be DJing our event on Thursday, March 9 at Long Beach Brewing Co. in Oceanside, NY
Four years in the works, I’ve made a black metal album about becoming a father, which is possibly the most characteristic sentence I’ve ever typed.Seeking an outlet to process parental anxiety and to reinvigorate my excitement for making music, I set out to make the heaviest, loudest record I’ve ever made, and this is the result.I wanted to create a morbid curiosity that felt dangerous, because what was happening to me while I was making this record was frightening — the grief of a miscarriage, clawing self-doubt, depression, the weight and responsibility of impending fatherhood.To capture that unhinged energy, I returned to writing songs that focused on guitar and vocals, embracing first takes, squalls of feedback, and wretched howls recorded in a dank, mold-infested basement to create something truly visceral.Self-recording the record over the last four years in Brooklyn, NY, and my new home in Long Island, the songs writhe in heavy distortion, lo-fi aesthetics and torrents of noise.Will We Ever Know How Much Is Enough? tells a story about a new father wrestling the demons of his past and present. Guitars snarl and pummel like an oncoming avalanche. Haunted screams conjure tormented ghosts. My 1-year-old son even contributes vocals to the record (“Fruit Of Paradise”).
This is what it sounds like to unravel in the face of crushing pressure. This is what it sounds like to expose your trauma to sunlight. This is what it sounds like to fight against the darkness when the darkness wins. This is what it sounds like when enough is never enough.